Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
