we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
