Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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