See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
