I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
