Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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