The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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