i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
