im drinking this country out of the recession.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
