Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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