i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
