3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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