She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
