he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize