Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
