my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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