I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
