I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
