if you like me you must not know who I am
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
