I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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