dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
