I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
