If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
