Betty ford says i'm here all night
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize