it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
