you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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