either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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