The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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