someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
