For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it because I queefed?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i out mim tonsoeep
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