I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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