Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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