just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
