he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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