my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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