I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Damn victory sex feels great
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize