So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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