just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
