you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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