This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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