Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
