you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
