Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
