I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
