U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
