you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize