i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
