please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
