I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
