3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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