Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize