God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
