i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
