I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
