Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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