and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
