I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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