I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My pussy is not your playground.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize