Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize