Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
