Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
