You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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