I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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