I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
