she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
