Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
