I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize